As a wedding planner I work with clients of all faiths and denominations. I love the variety of wedding ceremonies that I have witnessed over the years. It’s so much fun to learn about different cultures and traditions. In recent years, more and more couples have opted to have a friend officiate their wedding rather than a religious officiant. And I say sure, we can do that, too! But, there are a few things to consider when asking a friend to officiate your wedding, and I’m here to help you navigate those muddy waters.

First things first, has the friend ever done anything like this before? If not officiating a wedding, have they done any public speaking? I’ve seen far too many friends get more than a little nervous before a wedding ceremony and use alcohol to calm those nerves. And let me tell you from too many experiences, alcohol and wedding officiating do not mix well. Let’s save ourselves some major embarrassment and make sure that the person officiating your wedding is at least moderately comfortable speaking in front of a crowd. Frankly I’m not sure if drunk wedding officiating is even technically legal…

Speaking of which, will your friend officiant be able to legally marry you? This will vary by state laws. Getting married in Tennessee requires that both members of the couple present together at their county clerk no more than 30 days before the wedding for a marriage license. The officiant is required to return the marriage license within 3 days of the ceremony. There has been some back and forth over who can serve as an officiant in Tennessee in the past few years, as lawmakers have tried to prevent people who have been ordained online from being able to legally perform a marriage ceremony. Most of my couples avoid the hassle by getting legally married in the courthouse of their home state and then having their friend perform a non-official ceremony for friends and family. Another option is to have a notary witness and sign the marriage license. The notary does not have to perform the ceremony, just witness it.

Venue: Cannery Row

Officiant: Paul Ivy

Photographer: Sowing Clover Photography

Planning & Flowers by Kelsey Gray Events

A good way to prevent problems is to discuss your officiant plans with your wedding planner. If I know that your friend is inexperienced, then we can practice the key details during your rehearsal. The most common mistake that I see in friends officiating is that they forget to tell guests to be seated after the entrance of the bride. Guests are left standing for much if not all of the ceremony, and it’s awkward and uncomfortable.

During the rehearsal we can allow your friend to practice the entrance, welcoming of the guests, the exchange of rings. There is one thing that my favorite officiants always do, and that is step aside for the first kiss! Your friend who has never officiated a wedding will not know that they should do this, but we can teach them and practice during the rehearsal. Trust me, your photographer will be so thankful! This first kiss photo is gorgeous, but how much better would it be if you didn’t see the head of the officiant in the background?!?

Venue: The Noelle

Photographer: Haint Blue Collective

Officiant: family friend

Planning & Flowers by Kelsey Gray Events

All in all, there are lots of pros and cons to having a friend officiate your wedding. Choosing someone you know can definitely make a ceremony more personal, and if you don’t have a close religious officiant, then a friend might be a good option. Hopefully I’ve given some advice to make the process easier, but if I’ve scared you off from using a friend, then don’t worry, I’ve got you covered with some amazing officiant recommendations local to Nashville.

Venue: Acme Feed & Seed

Photographer: John Myers Photography

Officiant: Wes Howard

Flowers & Planning by Kelsey Gray Events

So you want a friend to officiate your wedding… by Kelsey Gray Events